The Woman Inside (HOME)

Second Day at home:

I had been up all night with Sufi, who had been crying and screaming, and I was exhausted. Pabbi, the good hubsand that he is, took both boys downstairs to feed them and play with them. Yet, I kept hearing the cries and screams.

Then suddenly there was silence.

Just the soft tones of voices talking.

How had Pabbi managed to stop Sufi from crying.

I had to know.

I walked down the stairs and this is what greeted my eyes.

Pabbi was making sandwiches and Sufi was calm being carried in a way he is used to.

This is now a common sight around our house when Pabbi takes both children.

Ahhhhhh, the peace and quiet!

Now for an update on the adjustment of the boys.

Kofi is doing SO SO SO very well. He is stuck to Pabbi like glue. He loves his new home, his new room, and the way of life. He has jumped into helping around the house and being patient as we adjust to being parents. He has had a constant smile on his face. He still is trying to adjust to the sleeping schedule. He literally falls asleep about 4:30 -5:00pm everyday and then is up in the middle of the night. The food adjustment is going well, then again Pabbi and I are not pushing the vegetables yet.

Yesterday, we went to the store to buy some food. Amongst the purchases was broccoli, tomatoes, carrots, and celery. I was explaining to him that he would need to start eating these vegetables this week because they would make him healthy and strong. He immediately started pouting and protesting. I tried hard not to laugh at his pain. I calmed him down telling him we would just start off tasting them and finding ways to prepare them so that he would like them.

Sufi is having a much harder time taking to his new home. He is more clingy than ever. He is back to crying most of the time and not relaxing. I have been worried, and exhausted with this. It wasn't until yesterday when we went back to the Dr. for a check-up that I realized that this attitude may not be just adjustment issues- but rather that the meds he is on is adding to the anxiety.

Our second day home, we took Sufi to the Dr. to find out how to deal with sores on his face that were spreading down his arm and neck. In Ghana, we were told it was Heat Rash, but I had never seen it spread so fast and react so badly to creams and medications. So I worried it might be something else. The Dr. was a bit baffled and unsure what it was. He did not think it was heat rash and that is might actually be a staph infection. He referred us to the Dermatologist for a diagnosis. The dermatologist also was unsure what it was. He couldn't tell whether it was staph, a virus, or what? He boldly said that he was not up to date with skin issues in Ghana. They tried to take a sample from Sufi, who was not having any of that. So the Dr. gave us an antibiotic, anti-viral medication, and creams to help bring the infection down. I was warned that he might have to be committed to the hospital for 24 hour watch if this did not improve in three days.

Luckily for us, there has been no new outbreaks, and Sufi's face looks SO much better. It doesn't seem to itch and bother him like it was before. The color is back and he seems more content. Now I wait for when he is done with the meds and can have some space to calm down and adjust to his new life.

Until then, if you meet me in the street and I look dazed and frazzled, or you visit me and my home is in chaos, or you call me on the phone and I can't seem to pay attention, don't mind me, I think I will be better adjusted when the crying and screaming calms down!

The Woman Inside (GHANA)

Pabbi and I had planned, for a long time, to take time while in Ghana to walk the Canopy Walk located in Kakum National Park. Despite the fact that we both have a fear of heights we decided we wanted to brave the walk.

In order to make the walk one of us had to carry Sufi on our back, we both thought Pabbi the better choice. Not because he is stronger, but because he is sure footed. Raised in Iceland, one has to be sure footed as you leap around amongst the lava rocks. There were several options on how to carry him, but Pabbi thought the Ghanaian woman's style of carrying babies was BEST.

Within minutes of joining the group we heard giggles from the women who observed Pabbi carrying Sufi Ghanaian style. I think he felt a bit of pride from not shying away from this task!

So we set out to across the high Canopy walks.

There were 7 swinging bridges total: 3 short and 4 long.

It is quite a view high up above the trees.

Scary and exhilarating all at the same time!

Sufi loved the walk. In fact, he kept reaching out and and grabbing the ropes. After the walk he was exhausted (being carried around takes alot of energy you know) and quickly fell asleep.

On the way down we passed a few classes of girls who giggled non-stop or who pointed and exclaimed "Oh!" when they saw Pabbi carrying Sufi Ghanaian style. I bet they don't usually see men doing this. I had a hard time not laughing at all the surprised responses when Pabbi passed them by!
At the beginning of our excursion there was a woman who giggled at Pabbi carrying Sufi (who by the way was not liking it because he was not with Mamma), but she was helpful in calming Sufi and encouraging all the way. Her name is Peace (I just love the Ghanaian names). She was just a delight to get to know. She was there with her mother and brother braving the canopy walk. At the end she asked us to remember her, which would be no problem for us!
She is a wonderful woman!
(L-R:Mamma, Pabbi, Peace, Saviour, Peace's Mother)

Home At Last

Dear Family and Friends,

I know this has been a long time in coming...

So we would like to announce we are

Home at Last and as one Big Family!!

We have doubled in size and boy is it great!!

I have tried over the past two months to get information out to all of you and every attempt was foiled at one point or another!

But we are home and settling in.

We will catch you up on the news and fun as best as we can, just remember we now have two children to chase after and so our plentiful computer time will be more limited.

Here we are at the Ghana airport waiting to board.

Both boys were looking out the window at the planes and loving it.

Such excitement!

On the plane waiting for take off!

One of these days we will fill you in on the adventures of getting to the airport. Both boys traveled really well!! Even sweet little Sufi only had two melt downs (change is more difficult for him). We had really worried he would cry the whole time (crying is his favorite activity) but he did AWESOME. We think he loved the feel of the plane and the noise!

Home at last and sort of rested.

We are in Mamma and Pabbi's room.

We just woke up and decided for a family picture! Kofi LOVES his new room and his bed!!!

Sufi is currently sharing the bed with Mamma and Pabbi (until we get some things straightened out). Here you see him in more of his natural state!!! He is such a Mamma's boy - and has wanted to be held the whole time we have been home.
Don't worry about his face. He has a heat rash that got out of control (his scratching at it has not helped). He has an appointment with our Doctor tommorrow so we hope to see his face clear and more at ease very soon!!!

We want to thank the director, Abraham, and L.M. who helped us build our family. They have spent SO much time and energy helping us bring our boys home. We seemed to hit every roadblock possible and thensome, and due to that, they put in overtime in helping us sort through the whole thing. We are ever grateful for the patience and never-ending support and encouragement. The work is hard and they were ever willing to do it when our strength was spent! We are forever grateful to you!!

We also want to send out a Thank You to everyone who has supported us and helped us bring our boys home. We know we would not have been able to do this without your help.

We also want to thank our dear friend, Kristin who decorated our home for the boys return and made things so nice to come home to!!

We love you and Thank you all!!!

We will be seeing more of each other!

Ghana Get'Ya

Dear Family and Friends,

As you may already know, Mamma is now in Ghana.

She was supposed to keep us updated with pictures and news of all the children,

but is currently having some difficulty getting on the internet.

The difficulty consists of two main reasons;

first, electricity to power the computer

and second, internet access.

Well, what do you expect... this is Africa.

Anyway, after much pains-taking suffering,

she has been able to send some news and pictures.

They are of some of the other children there for adoption.

These are (starting from left to right)
Marion, Dorothy, Precious (smallest), Vida, and Elizabeth.

These three boys are Junior (front),
Abi (back), and Enyinda (middle).

Abi and Kobe are brothers and love Mamma to bits.

Junior looks as if he has just

solemnly sworn to be up to no good (don't you think).

Pre-Ghana Panic

Last WEEK... we sent off for my visa.

What a nerve-racking moment that was -
who LIKES to depart from their PASSPORT?

NOT I!

But it was necassary.

Upon delivering it to the Postman I made sure to have my tracking numbers to track the package to New York and the number to track it on the way home.

We were notified it arrived in New York

Saturday -

and of course un-deliverable to the Consulate (non-working day).

Monday -

it was delivered at 2:11 pm.

Whew!!!

It made it!!!

I expected to have it back in 24 hours.
That is what we paid for.

24 hours passed and my package was NOT even in transit.

I checked my Visa status -still not mailed.

WHAT??!!???

I called Wednesday (yesterday)

...no answer.

Pabbi calls -

they answer (he is quite the charmer...)

They don't know what he is talking about. They have no such package.

But it was delievered at 2:11 he insisted.

Nope.

It was LOST!!!!!!!!

We expected lost, or misplaced, or ignored, or unexpected required docmuents

...IN GHANA.

But not New York!!!

Panic ensued.

We tried to call the Post Office but after three times of getting nowhere, Pabbi calls back the Ghanaian Consulate and asks if there was a potential it was delivered to another office.

He spoke to a supervisor.

After an hour of panic they found it.

Delivered to another office and laid aside.

Today at 9:24 am it arrived at our Local Post Office.

Tonight WE rest easy as my passport and visa REST on our bed-

in plain sight!!!

"DON'T BE GIVING ME THE EVILS!!!"

Preperations havebeen ensuing in our household

-

preperations to go to Ghana.

SPEAK NO EVIL

Mamma suffered unspeakable pains at the dentist's. The office and equipment was so old and broken that she got seriously homesick for Helga, her Icelandic dentist.
Hopefully, there will be no more evil-speaking of dentist's from this mouth.

HEAR NO EVIL

Then she got a haircut that is virtually unheard of. Mamma is not an ordinary woman, who pampers herself at the slightest whim. So this was a real treat for the eyes, but not the ears. Now, we don't want to hear any naysayers... the woman looks SO fine!

SEE NO EVIL

Then we ventured into the unforeseeable future and sent of the visa application. This was a true leap of faith, because we don't have control over the government.
However, we can envision a bright and prosperous future.

This post update was provided by Pabbi.

The COUNTDOWN...

TWELVE DAYS.

That is how much time I have to wrap things up and be ready to leave.


It's been SIX DAYS and I still can't get over the fact that I will soon be on a plane, and soon be in a country I have never been to, and soon have children in my arms. It is so exciting, I don't even know what to focus my energy and excitement on.



In the end I just end up


DAY DREAMING.
One minute I am busy trying to figure out all the details of applying for a visa, deciding what to pack, or what I need to do before I go.
The next minute I catch myself daydreaming about what it will be like to be with our boys, the simple feeling of holding them in my arms and telling them I love them.
After thinking about the boys, my mind then moves onto preparing everything here for when we bring them home.

My mind just races.

It does not want to stay on any one thought.

Then everything becomes a blur!



The 18th is fast appraoching.

I just need to focus!!!

The Whisper of Gratitude

Have you ever had something so important to say and share, but knew that all the words you could say, sentences you could write, and expressions you could utilize
could never articulate the feelings in your heart?

I have such a secret!

One moment I want to shout it from the rooftops and the next I want to keep this thing and ponder it in my heart.

One minute I am so humbled to have been blessed as such, and the next I feel so unworthy to have received such a miracle.

On one hand I want to do all that I can to repay such generosity myself, and the next I know I just need to be on my knees thanking God and praying that He will be able to make up the difference because I can not.

Nothing I can say, write or do will ever come close to the feelings I have. I have thought this over for a couple days and still find myself at a loss for words to explain this miracle…this blessing.

I will try:
The week before Thanksgiving, Pabbi and I felt that I needed to go to Ghana and right away. I planned to leave around the 15th of December. I would stay in Ghana until our adoption was completed: whether it took several weeks or several months. I am at a point in my life that there was no reason (other than my sweet husband) to stay here and wait. I could go be with our boys, and help out with all the children. It would be a great way to understand and experience our sons’ culture and nation. It would give us time to bond on their turf, so to speak. I had a flexible job (I work online and can do so from anywhere in the world). We were set.

We called L.M. and she too felt this would be a wonderful idea.

Two days after Thanksgiving, I found out I was being laid off due to the recession. I was baffled. We had felt so strongly that that is what the Lord wanted for us to do. But now it seemed impossible.

I prayed.
Without my job we would be fine in covering our bills, but we would have no extra to save up for airline tickets or the rest of our fees in Ghana. We went over everything and realized we had enough for either the fees or one airline ticket, from what was left of the generous donations we have received (i.e. the donations left after the fees and paperwork we have already paid for).
With prayerful hearts, we decided that we should put aside that money for the fees in Ghana and focus on getting airline tickets for the four of us. I was at peace and felt confident that we would be able to raise money or sky miles in the near future.
As December 15th came and went and we were not able to raise money, my heart started to become heavy. Soon Christmas was upon us & we had barely come up with ¼ of what we needed for just one ticket. Christmas passed & the miracle we had hoped for did not appear.

I continued to pray.

This time, I prayed not for help, but for guidance on what to do. Again, I felt that I needed to go soon to Ghana. My frustration brought on desperation and sorrow:
I wept.

Then December 31st I received a phone call from a woman, whose family is also in the process of adopting from the same orphanage in Ghana. She and her husband had sky miles they wanted to give us.

Enough for one whole ticket.

I was dumbfounded.

She stayed on the phone with me until she had booked a ticket for me to leave.
I was grateful.
I was amazed.

However, it wasn’t until after our phone call, and after talking with my husband that it hit me!!!

And, I wept.
Not for sorrow, but for that sweet joy and amazement that filled my heart; for gratitude; for relief that a prayer had been answered. It was then several thoughts and feelings flooded through me.
How could this family, who were in the same boat as us, give their miles away, when they too, one day soon, need airline tickets to bring their child home? How could she make such a sacrifice, when adopting is filled with so many already? How could I reciprocate? How would I ever be able to thank her, her husband, and their family?

I again prayed and thanked God for angels and blessings that come so unexpectedly and from unexpected places.

I wanted to publicly thank and name this wonderful woman, her generous husband, and her kind family. But not all angels want their names to be publicized.

If you are desperate to know them by name, let me know.
I will whisper in your ear the identities of these heavenly beings. I will whisper with such gratitude and with a heart so full, that my whispers (or my shouts) of thankfulness could never express what they have done for ...

my husband,

myself,

and our future family.

New Year - New Beginnings!!!!

***Insert*** "Joy To Everyone This Christmas"

Merry Christmas to Everyone!!!
May this seaason bring you peace and joy from.

From our Family to Yours!!

PS. To download this song or video go here.

Chapter Thirty-One: All Is Quiet....

A friend the other day commented, "It sure has been quiet on the blogs lately."
And it has been.

There just has been no news from the eastern front and that causes the western front to wait.

With the director of the orphanage out of the country (he was asked to speak at an international conference in Kenya, regarding issues for orphans) and elections, and the holidays not much has been moving -thereby not much for anyone to blog about.

I am going to be so relieved that the Ghanaian elections are over (they are happening today) because I think it has really affected the timeline of the process. And this year has been overlypacked with politics (this included our elections here in the states).

I also think I will be relieved when the holidays are over (no I am NOT a Grinch; holidays just cause delays - and I feel like our delays have been long enough.

In addition, I am also relieved to know the director is back at the orphanage (one week later than originally planned). Knowing he is there gives me a sense of peace.At this point there will be hardly any news until we hear of our court date!
We are praying that it will be soon!

Chapter Thirty: Lullaby

Artist: Josh Groban
Album: Awake
Year: 2006
Title: Lullaby

For an actual video performance and explanation to creating the song go here.

Chapter Twenty-Eight: The Fire (National Adoption Month)

I am quickly finding out that adoption is very much like Family History & Genealogy.

Once the fire is lit, it becomes an all consuming presence in your life.

It permeates your life in so many ways, and the desire to spread this love, this passion, is almost unstoppable.

Now that we are adopting it seems everytime I turn around, I see so many children who need families, and so many couples who want children. If only we could bridge the gap. If only our hearts would open up to more possibilities.
Being infertile, I have met and know numerous couples who long to have children. Who would do just about anything to bring children into their lives. However, most see this vision in the form of a young baby - an infant, one who they can watch grow and thrive. I know this longing!

I know this hunger!

I know this desire!

Yet, now that I am involved in adopting - not infants - but young children (a one year old and a 6.6 yr. old) I realized the limits we set for ourselves that can be so confining.

Adopting an older child is something I had NEVER thought I would do at this early stage of our marital life. Previously, I had put a limit on what age I would be open to adopting.

But the Lord softened my heart and I became open to possiblities I never considered.

How grateful I am for that!!!

I was just talking to L.M. the other day and we were marveling at how many of us are adopting children who do not live up to our previously 'idealized' or 'limited' notions. Yet, none of us would change a thing. We quickly realized and know that the children we are adopting are OUR children and that they fit into our lives so well.

Only God could have known.

I was telling her that when we started looking into adopting, I insisted to Pabbi, that we should not adopt children over the age of 2 years old. No budging on that. Soon we felt we should stretch it to 2.5 years old. Then the final and absolute oldest child we would consider was NO older than 4 years old.

Now look at us, we are adopting a 6.5 year old, and I am so glad that my heart was softened and my options were opened. I think we would have missed out on a beautiful and wonderful miracle in our lives. In fact, the Lord knew what we needed. I know He knows what all His children need no matter their age or circumstance.
This month, I have been reading alot about the focus of National Adoption Month "Answering the Call - You don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent. There are thousands of teens in foster care who would love to put up with you."

This focus has really touched me.

A blog that I often stalk has posted several listings for different organizations that have photolistings of "waiting to be adopted" children, both nationally and internationally. My heart breaks for many of them. Most of these children have special needs (mild to severe) and are much older than most couples would adopt.
Yet, these children still need the same thing an infant does- A family. A place where they can feel secure and grow and thrive. These children have really touched my heart, and I do hope that when Sufi and Kofi are home and we are settled, that we will look again into adopting, and that our hearts will not be limited by age or need.

Of, course this blog posted again recently, a beautiful video set to the music of Steven Curtis Chapman's song "All I Really Want for Christmas."At first I wasn't paying attention to the lyrics, but when I did I had to find them and read through them. I then went and found the original music video. They are so beautiful and poignant, and I would encourage you to read them and watch the video (see below post).

Below are the links to several different adoption websites' photolistings (taken from Instantly Mama) that you might want to pray over.

Take time to look at the children who are waiting - especially with an open mind.

Maybe some of you who are not thinking of adoption, might start thinking about adopting. Maybe some of you who are looking to adopt but are only looking for infants, might change your mind and consider adopting older children -

Maybe your children are waiting for the mom and dad you are!

Please take time and pray for these children to find families

AND

ask God if you are to be involved in anyway!

Children Here in the US:

Adopt US Kids

Northwest Adoption Exchange

TARE

CHASK
Utah's Adoption Connection

Kid Search State by State

In Other Countries:

The Shepherds Crook

Reece's Rainbow

Rainbow Kids

Until All Have Homes

For Basic Information

Child Welfare Information Gateway

Adopting.org

More great videos to see:

The gift

Fastball

Consoling

Pink Uniform

The Phone

Oh, Daddy!

***Insert***: "All I Really Want for Christmas"

Well, I don't know if you remember me or not
I am one of the kids they brought in from the home
I was the red-haired boy in an old, green flannel shirt
You may not have seen me, I was standing alone

I didn't come and talk to you 'cause that's never worked before
And you'll probably never see this letter, anyway
But just in case there's something you can do to help me out
I'll ask you one more time

All I really want for Christmas is someone to tuck me in
A shoulder to cry on if I lose, shoulders to ride on if I win
There's so much I could ask for, but there's just one thing I need
All I really want for Christmas is a family

Well, I guess I should go ahead and tell you now
If it's really true about that list you have
Somehow I always seem to end up in a fight
But I'm really trying hard not to be bad

But maybe if I had a brother or a dad to wrestle with
Maybe they could teach me how to get along
And from everything I've heard, it sounds like the greatest gift on earth
Would be a mom

All I want for Christmas is someone who'll be here
To sing me happy birthday for the next 100 years
And It's okay if they're not perfect or even if they're a little broken
That's alright, 'Cause so am I

Well, I guess I should go, it's almost time for bed
Maybe next time I write you I'll be at home

`Cause all I really want for Christmas is someone to tuck me in
Tell me I'll never be alone, someone whose love will never end
Of all that I could ask for, well, there's just one thing I need
All I really want for Christmas is a family

Lyrics to New, Original Songs on "All I Really Want for Christmas"
by Steven Curtis Chapman (2005 Sparrow Records, EMI CMG)

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Something in the Mail.

Today I decided to walk out to our mailbox instead of wait for Pabbi to bring in the mail.
I just needed a break from working so I thought a few minutes won't hurt.

Guess what I found amidst our collection of mail?
This large envelope from the USCIS.


I could hardly contain myself, so I ran back to our place and ripped it open.

WoHOOOOOOO!!!!!
It was our APPROVAL of the I-600a!!!

The Government says we are approved to adopt two healthy boys up to the age of 7.

Hmmmm, wonder who that might mean!!!!
Just in case you forgot; or if you need to smile!!!
here are their Pictures again! :)


This note is for those wondering about time frames on the turn around for the I-600a (here in Utah).
Getting our approval today means our I-600a took 4 weeks to be processed before receiving our approval. We filed on the 21st of October -so it technically has been 4 weeks and One day.
That was with getting our fingerprints done the same day as filing it.
Another adoptive mother and I had wondered if it would make a difference if you were fingerprinted the same day (like us) or if you waited (like she had to). It seems to not matter. Hers took about 4 weeks. Ours took four weeks.
Hope that helps some of you!

Chapter Twenty-Six: HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY

Today was Sufi's FIRST Birthday.
We decided to celebrated it with cake, a ballooon, and even gifts.The cake was a special treat:
Our local grocery store gives a free cake for a 'First' Birthday.
The gifts, he'll recieve when he comes home.
(Can't you see what fun parents we will be - giving a 1yr. old books!) We Love you Sufi and can't wait to celebrate your next birthday together as a family!

Chapter Twenty-Five: The Waiting Period Begins (aka: Sent our Dossier Off!)

We finally have a dossier done and it is on its way to Ghana.

It is such a big sigh of relief.

Now the "Waiting Period" begins.

In Ghana, our dossier will be given to the Social Welfare Officer who will invesitgate to make sure this is the right match. Then he will go to court. The Judge will then finalize that decision by giving an adoption decree (we hope). During this time the boys' will need to get their passports. If the decree is given, and if the boys get their passports, then the ball will be back in our court; namely we will then be ready to go to Ghana to file our I-600 and get visa's in order to bring the boys home.

So until then we are going to wait.

Chapter Twenty-Four: African Children's Choir

A few weeks I came across a post on a blog that I have been stalking of a family who had recently adopted three beautiful Ghanaian children. I have been following their story for the past several months. The mom had posted a video of the African Children's Choir and then commented how she hoped to be able to take her children to a performance in her area.



I watched the video and was quite moved. But the link she had to the choir wasn't working and I didn't have time to track it down and I did not give much more thought to it. A few days later, she posted about the family's experience going to the performance. I think what struck me most was that after the performance, her daughters showed her the moves and steps they did know. This told me that some of the dances performed came from Ghana, which excited me.

I then became determined to know more. She posted the link for the Choir again, which I followed. I also checked out Youtube for more videos. The more I saw, the more I longed to go. Lucky for us, there was a performance on the November 8th in Salt Lake. I was so excited that I talked to Pabbi about it. He then watched the videos and said we HAD to find a way to go.

We notified several others, who are in the Utah area and adopting from same children's home, of the performance coming up. L.M. and daughter wanted to go, and Narda and Steve also said they wanted to go. In fact, Steve and Narda were able to get us discount prices, which was great! (Thanks Narda and Steve). Then my Aunt and Uncle said they would like to go as well. So our group of eight went and we really enjoyed the performance!!!

Not only were these children so very talented...their performances really moved us. This is the 35 choir since they began touring back in 1984. Check out their website for more information on the choir, their purpose, and performance dates in your area.
Near the end of the performance, they sang Africa's anthem as all the flags of the continent were lowered. It was very moving!
We hope, that sometime in the future, we will be able to learn the dances and songs, from Ghana, that they sang, and teach them to our boys.
Very Inspiring!

Chapter Twenty-Three: NATIONAL ADOPTION AWARENESS MONTH

In 1976, Governor Mike Dukakis of Massachusetts proclaimed Adoption Week to bring awareness to the need for adoptive families for children in the foster care system. President Ford followed this proclamation by announcing the first National Adoption Week. In 1990, this one-week was extended to the full month of November. Throughout the Nation, different states and organizations have a plethora of activities, campaigns, and observances. Amidst the month long celebrations there is an actual National Adoption Day (this year it is November 15, 2008).

Each year there is a specific theme and focused promotion of a particular need or topic in adoption. One year it may be a focus on Special Needs adoption, or adopting teenagers, or domestic adoption, or foster parenting, or intercountry adoption, etc.. This year's theme is: "Answering the Call - You don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent. There are thousands of teens in foster care who would love to put up with you."

This month is a month to get active in educating ourselves and others about adoption and about issues surrounding adoption. It is also a time to get active in advocating and promoting laws that will help adoption (ex: a friendly adoption workplace, etc). It is a month to collect donations, volunteer, sponser children who need to be adopted or support a family who is currently in the process of adopting. It is a time to celebrate multicultural families, develop new traditions, and give thanks for our families. For a month full of activites to celebrate National Adoption Awareness go here.

For more information on the history of this month, activites, resources, and ideas go to adoption.com or google National Adoption Awareness month. I would encourage each of you to be aware of the adoption scene.

There are millions and millions of children - more than 130 million - both domestically and internationally, who need a home, security, and love. All of us can help in some way, some form, some how. Let's give a hand to adoption.

Chapter Twenty-Two: Hit a Wall

It finally happened.

I have hit a wall.

The wall of patience.

I am so done with being patient!

I want my boys home...and RIGHT NOW!!!!!

I can even tell you the moment I hit this wall and I can't seem to figure how to get over it!

I am tired of waiting.

I am tired of worrying.

I just want to move onto the next step already.

I was wondering when this was going to hit me... and hit me hard.

If there is one thing I have learned from dealing with infertility is that I don't have control and I just need to be patient and take one step at a time. I need to focus on that one step ONLY or I can go bonkers. I have been doing a real good job of being able to focus and not look to far ahead. But I am seeing that the closer we get the faster I want to run to the end.

I can't wait to hold my boys in my arms and say "I love you". I can't wait to read books with Kofi, and rock Sufi to sleep. I can't wait to celebrate the holidays with the boys and watch their faces (or incredulous looks). I can't wait to go to the park in the summer or sit at home and drink hot chocolate in the winter with the boys. I can't wait to make new traditions with them. I can't wait to kneel by their sides and pray with them. I can't wait to be there to cool their heads when they are sick all the while worryin about how they are feeling. I can't wait to watch them with their Pabbi play games while I sit by and watch. I can't wait to watch them grow and learn and become all that they can be. I can't wait to be a mother. I can't wait to be a family!

I feel like I have waited so long for all of this as it is! Waiting to conceive was so difficult and fruitless. The waiting and hoping we would have children has felt so overwhelming...and now to know there ARE two little boys that will soon join our family...but it will take more time feels too much. One minute they feel so close and the next I realize these two boys are all the way across the world. I wish I had the money to jump on a plane RIGHT NOW and race to them and stay with them until all of the paperwork and governments have placed things right.

But I can't. I sit and wait. I wait to be approved to be a mother. I wait for a judge to say, "Yes you can be a family". I wait for paperwork to be signed so that we can finally be in the same country. I wait and wait and wait. And hope. And pray. And plead that it will all work out quickly and not drag on for many more months or years.

But I don't feel like I can take one more breath and wait anymore.

I know it is required and my wanting this will not change anything...but these emotions are still happening! I can hardly think for wanting this so much! I want to be a mother in action -not waiting. If I had a set date...would that help? I doubt it.

I know the answer is to pray, have hope and faith the God knows what is needed for me and for those two beautiful boys across the world, not just for now but for eternity. But this moment seems like an eternity to me. I can't wait for the day I can look back and smile at how I feel now, and know it was ALL worth the waiting! I look forward to that day!

But for now, I will have to be content at looking at these faces and know that I love them.

And I will continue to pray:
for them,
for us,
for peace.