Friday, January 2, 2009

The Whisper of Gratitude

Have you ever had something so important to say and share, but knew that all the words you could say, sentences you could write, and expressions you could utilize
could never articulate the feelings in your heart?

I have such a secret!

One moment I want to shout it from the rooftops and the next I want to keep this thing and ponder it in my heart.

One minute I am so humbled to have been blessed as such, and the next I feel so unworthy to have received such a miracle.
On one hand I want to do all that I can to repay such generosity myself, and the next I know I just need to be on my knees thanking God and praying that He will be able to make up the difference because I can not.

Nothing I can say, write or do will ever come close to the feelings I have. I have thought this over for a couple days and still find myself at a loss for words to explain this miracle…this blessing.

I will try:
The week before Thanksgiving, Pabbi and I felt that I needed to go to Ghana and right away. I planned to leave around the 15th of December. I would stay in Ghana until our adoption was completed: whether it took several weeks or several months. I am at a point in my life that there was no reason (other than my sweet husband) to stay here and wait. I could go be with our boys, and help out with all the children. It would be a great way to understand and experience our sons’ culture and nation. It would give us time to bond on their turf, so to speak. I had a flexible job (I work online and can do so from anywhere in the world). We were set.

We called L.M. and she too felt this would be a wonderful idea.

Two days after Thanksgiving, I found out I was being laid off due to the recession. I was baffled. We had felt so strongly that that is what the Lord wanted for us to do. But now it seemed impossible.

I prayed.
Without my job we would be fine in covering our bills, but we would have no extra to save up for airline tickets or the rest of our fees in Ghana. We went over everything and realized we had enough for either the fees or one airline ticket, from what was left of the generous donations we have received (i.e. the donations left after the fees and paperwork we have already paid for).
With prayerful hearts, we decided that we should put aside that money for the fees in Ghana and focus on getting airline tickets for the four of us. I was at peace and felt confident that we would be able to raise money or sky miles in the near future.
As December 15th came and went and we were not able to raise money, my heart started to become heavy. Soon Christmas was upon us & we had barely come up with ¼ of what we needed for just one ticket. Christmas passed & the miracle we had hoped for did not appear.
I continued to pray.

This time, I prayed not for help, but for guidance on what to do. Again, I felt that I needed to go soon to Ghana. My frustration brought on desperation and sorrow:
I wept.

Then December 31st I received a phone call from a woman, whose family is also in the process of adopting from the same orphanage in Ghana. She and her husband had sky miles they wanted to give us.
Enough for one whole ticket.
I was dumbfounded.
She stayed on the phone with me until she had booked a ticket for me to leave.
I was grateful.
I was amazed.

However, it wasn’t until after our phone call, and after talking with my husband that it hit me!!!

And, I wept.
Not for sorrow, but for that sweet joy and amazement that filled my heart; for gratitude; for relief that a prayer had been answered. It was then several thoughts and feelings flooded through me.
How could this family, who were in the same boat as us, give their miles away, when they too, one day soon, need airline tickets to bring their child home? How could she make such a sacrifice, when adopting is filled with so many already? How could I reciprocate? How would I ever be able to thank her, her husband, and their family?

I again prayed and thanked God for angels and blessings that come so unexpectedly and from unexpected places.

I wanted to publicly thank and name this wonderful woman, her generous husband, and her kind family. But not all angels want their names to be publicized.

If you are desperate to know them by name, let me know.
I will whisper in your ear the identities of these heavenly beings. I will whisper with such gratitude and with a heart so full, that my whispers (or my shouts) of thankfulness could never express what they have done for ...
my husband,


and our future family.