Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Personal Note: NIAW

One in every six couples will deal with infertility.
There are millions of couples dealing with infertility.
We are one of them.
Infertility is life changing.
It can be traumatic.
It is a deep wound that not many will acknowledge nor heed.
Hopefully, NIAW can help make others aware of the impact infertility has on
an individual,
a couple,
and a family.
As a blogging buddy said:
(and I will adapt to our situation)
Adoption cured our childlessness
It didn't cure our Infertility.
While, Pabbi's and my intent before marriage was to adopt in the future,
we never thought that it would happen when it did.
We never suppossed that our first children would be adopted.
We had planned to have biological children first.
When we discovered our infertility,
it was such a shock
broke our hearts.
We have never been through anything more painful in our lives.
Even more shocking was the lack of support and understanding we received.
We were looked down on, by those who thought we should immediately start a family.
We were told by others all the
(ex: adoption, IVF, just relax, try this herb or that, etc.)
for our heartache.
Our pain was minimized as we were told that having children was not all is was cracked up to be and we were better off with out them.
Even some of our friends and family deserted us in our time of need.
We were treated as ignorant fools because we did not have children and could not possibly "know" anything about them.
We looked into the few options we had.
We tried some.
Others we were strongly impressed not to do.
We hit a brick wall and
decided to come to terms and
be at peace with our childlessness.
We did not want to bring children into our home as a "cure" for our grief.
We felt we needed to grieve our loss before moving on.
We learned to cope.
Then one day last spring,
about this time,
a feeling grew.
We felt impressed to look into adoption in Africa.
We were led and guided by God.
We now have the 2 beautiful sons who bring us much joy and happiness.
This is not to say that our pain is completely gone,
that we are any less sensitive to our grief,
or that we don't still yearn for lost dreams.
Infertility is a lasting struggle.
I have learned so much about
my husband,
my relationships to family and friends.
I have a deeper understanding of others' grief and pain
- and not just the obvious ones.
I hope that through all this that the Lord has been able to refine me to better serve Him.
For those of you who have never experienced the pain of infertility,
please educate yourself.
Please be there for those who suffer with infertility.
Please don't desert them.
Don't treat them as less than yourselves.
Don't brush away their pain.
As Christ taught,
Here is a brief article to read called
It is an enlightening article to read.
Included is a brief and helpful Do's and Don'ts
to help others understand how to respond to couples who deal with infertility.
We have found ourselves in each one of these positions.
We know (at least hope) that most people were well intentioned with their advice.
But if only those who had encountered us would have understood how their advice and actions added to our pain.
Our hearts go out to all those who suffer with infertility.
We wish that no one else had to suffer through this grief.
Our prayers are with you as you search for peace in your life
with or without children.
May God bless you in His wisdom!