This post is merely a way to document my fear (with a hope that in reality I can look back and laugh at being so afraid). But I am terrified! Our homestudy is on Thursday and I am terrified we will be rejected/not approved to adopt! Plus, there is still so much to do before we have this appointment and the hours are ticking away faster than we can move.
I think our greatest fear is that we are still poor students. Yes, we know here in Happy Valley, that most parents are poor and that they have two or three children on a budget that only one person should be able to survive on. But the reality is that the Government requires much more before giving permission to become an adoptive parent. I think it is sad because we do well, and don't need much, but we fear our documents may say otherwise. So our fear stands and will probably stand until both our homestudy and the USCIS (INS) clears us. 
It is interesting we haven't yet feared our ability to fundraise what we need for the 'process' itself; we have full confidence in God that we will be able to. But we lack that faith when it comes to proving we have enough to care in the long run. We do have to do our part. At this point it is all on pure faith!
We are not too concerned about our Social Worker coming to talk to us. We are actually excited to meet her, and ask our billion questions.
We are concerned, because she will come into our apartment and well, we had started an in-depth 'Fall Clean" before school started for Pabbi, and well, did not quite make the deadline of getting finished before he started. So I have been trying to patch up and put things back together before Thursday! Yikes! Will she come and think we are filthy or that we are too clean? I know, I know we just need to
It is just soooo hard, when something so important is riding on us and our fear of failing will rip the one most beautiful thing going in our life right now.
Please pray for us, and that all will go right; that we will be approved in our homestudy and that the USCIS will also say we are good enough!
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